An open letter to the girls from my youth

Dear you,

I am writing you this letter almost fifteen years since we were last together hoping that you are well. Crazy how fast those years have flown by when we don’t have semesters and summers to separate our carefree years.

I want you to know that I’ve thought of you, how life is for you, what you have accomplished in the past decade: are you married, a PhD candidate, do you have kids, did you travel, what do you do for work, are you happy? I am genuinely interested, which may seem strange since we never really talked in high school. Why do you think that was? It is a regret of mine, for being afraid to say hi, to sit beside you, to ask how your day was and wanting for that one second to build a connection, but that never happened because I was too scared. But maybe you were too. It’s ironic how what comforts us actually burdens us.

Then just like that, our high school life was over; we forged our own separate paths as we walked out of those doors, carefree and thought-free of the people we were walking away from, some forever. Then Facebook happened, a tipping point for human connection and interaction. We added one another as friends – what a funny misconception, because we weren’t IRL – and yet, at a safe distance and free from judgement, we were able to like and comment on posts shared. Through this mediated form, I have been able to witness you kick-ass building a career; I was able to see how stunning you looked on your wedding day; I was proud of you when you accomplished that project; I also sympathized with you when you shared some sad news. It made me realize that I never complimented you or encouraged you while we were teens, the pivotal time when compliments and encouragement are so very needed.

That in-between stage of childhood innocence to adulthood awakening is such a difficult time as we figure out how to navigate through wonky hormones and crazy attitudes, yet barely understanding any of it. So we build a wall to protect ourselves from this unknown, but our barrier is uninviting and quick to judge others, and for that I apologize. I apologize for judging you instead of taking the time to get to know you; I apologize for not asking you to join me at my lunch table; and most importantly, I apologize for being mean. But we were young, we didn’t know better, right?

Now, we are not so young, and we do know better, so should our paths ever cross again, I promise I will say hello to you and ask how you’ve been. Maybe we will grab a coffee and catch up on each other’s lives, or we will simply chat for a couple of minutes and then walk our separate way, but whatever the outcome, I will be happy that we were able to connect unhindered from fear for that brief moment in time.

Love,
ali

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Wine & Words for the Holidays

The countdown for that joyous gift-giving season is upon us, the time where presents are purchased and prettily packaged under the tree anxiously awaiting their recipients. However, if you are at all like me, you haven’t started your shopping, and just the thought of visiting a nearby mall makes your anxiety skyrocket more than that time your boss was unknowingly behind you while you were texting. Ooops. Now add in the extra pressure to find that amazing present that silently says, a lot of effort went into finding this gift that oh so perfectly complements your personality, whereas your normal go-to cheap bottle of plonk and lame-o murder mystery novel that simply say I didn’t know what to get you so I picked this up on my way over just won’t cut it anymore.

Have no fear, this wine chugging, I mean loving, bookworm is here to help by pointing you in the right gift-giving direction, but before you go running to the nearby wine store and local bookshop, let’s figure out what type of person you are buying gifts for.

The Flirty Friend
We all know that one person who wins people over by their smile, who bats their eyelashes to get their way and cleverly places a hand on an arm if they want something. Heck, we have even used this friend as bar bait to get free drinks.
Wine: Riesling – Traditionally made on the sweeter side to balance its sharp acidity, riesling is the wine that will make you fall in love. Sweet or dry, you’ll find aromas of citrus blossoms, and taste profiles of apple, lemon and mineral deliciousness.
Book: The Regulars, Georgia Clark

The Au Naturel Friend
This person loves incense, sourcing local ingredients, makes their own deodorant, smells like patchouli and always has a bottle of kombucha on the go.
Wine: Orange wine – Orange wine seems to be the new craze these days, but this winemaking technique has been around for thousands of years. This wine is a bit of a misnomer as it is not made from oranges but from white grapes that are fermented with their skins and seeds with little to no additives (no sugar and yeast, etc.). They taste funky, nutty and sour.
Book: Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, Robert Pirsig

The So Many Feels Friend
This friend loves love, has a dark and provocative side, but is sensitive to their surroundings. They’re sweet, with an added side of just the right amount of sass. This friend may also need a bit of hand-holding throughout life.
Wine: Pinot Noir – Nicknamed the heartbreak grape because it is a challenge to grow; this is a thin-skinned grape making it more susceptible to rot and disease and is very sensitive to fluctuating temperatures, however, when pinot noir is at its best, it is a seductive wine with aromas of red berries and clove.
Book: Milk & Honey, Rupi Kaur

The Badass Friend
This person does not stand for bullsh!t, even though there are times when this friend gets knocked down they always quickly get back up and walk on like a boss.
Wine: Cabernet Franc – Part of the Bordeaux five (cabernet franc, cabernet sauvignon, merlot, malbec, and petit verdot), and parent of cabernet sauvignon (hello, love affair between sauvignon blanc), cabernet franc has just the right amount of tannins and red-fruit characteristics to remind you that this wine is King Queen.
Book: What Happened, Hillary Rodham Clinton

The Vivacious Friend
We all have that one friend who is up for anything and everything; they are the life of the party yet they also have the ability to make everyone feel at ease. People usually gravitate towards this friend because of their effervescent personality and great sense of style.
Wine: Sparkling – This wine is pretty intense, (who are we kidding, so is this friend) in that it is one of the most technical wines to make because it requires two fermentations: one to make the wine and the other to make the bubbles. When buying sparkling wine ask what grape varieties were used to make the wine as typically chardonnay, pinot noir and pinot meunier are the three grape varieties that make up the traditional sparkling wine recipe. Side note: Champagne and sparkling are similar in style but not in name (and price), as wine made outside of Champagne in France cannot be called champagne, hence why bubbly wine made here in Ontario is called sparkling.
Book: The Great Gatsby, F.Scott Fitzgerald

Here’s to happy shopping, yummy imbibing, and good books and most importantly, please drink responsibly and always read adventurously!IMG_5809** Thoughts and opinions in this post are my own and do not reflect those of my employer.**

So many feels

As the days began to darken earlier, so too had my mood, which took an unexpected turn earlier this week mirroring the recent change. I don’t know why, but I’m sure the unnecessary time change, the sugar crash from over-indulging on leftover Halloween candy, and the [my] moon cycle had something to do with it, but this week was blah. Everything was too hard, I was so sad, and I felt alone.

After a few days on this roller coaster of emotions, I decided to confide in a friend about this funk and how to turn my mood around. Her words helped but I still needed to find the inner strength to transform them into an action.

“Every day I have the choice on whether or not I want to be happy and I have to actively choose happiness over sadness. Yeah, there are days when that dark cloud follows me like a shadow, but I’ve learned to embrace that dark cloud and accept it. The difference is that I no longer hate myself on those days I can’t get out of bed, the days I just want to cry, and the days that I don’t want to talk to anyone. I know that those days will pass, eventually, and in a way, those dark cloudy days are my body’s way of telling me to slow down and reset.”

I never thought of it that way, as happiness being a decision we have to continuously choose, I naively assumed happiness just happens, and it probably does, but when it doesn’t happen, on those dark and gloomy days, what do I do?

This question also had me asking “what is happiness?” Is it having it all: house, luxury car, money? Maybe. But what if the house, the car, or the six-plus-digits in the bank account is non-existent, does the mean one is not happy / cannot be happy? What does it even mean to have it all? Maybe having it all isn’t tangible expensive possessions, maybe having it all is simply friends, family, and most importantly, breath, the ability to inhale and exhale every day.

I’m a recreational yogi, I attend a community class at a yoga studio in my neighbourhood once a week, and one thing all of those downward dogs and warriors poses have taught me is the importance of my body working in conjunction with my breath. Some of the poses are impossible for my rigid body, while others are doable, but uncomfortable, and some leave a feeling of sweet sensation on both my physical and mental state – hello, shavasana. The difficulty of each pose affects my breathing, and there are many times I catch myself holding my breath, but it is in that moment when breathing is integral to the pose, and I have to consciously choose to breathe to ease that discomfort.

That dark cloud, the discomfort, and blah-ness of all the feelings, too many feels, crashing down on me at once is invited, but I will hit that internal reset button, I will breathe, and I will choose happiness, be it laughing with friends, taking comfort in the warmth of love from family, and by remembering to inhale and exhale when things get difficult.

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