Love lost & self-love found

When I was in my mid-twenties I got ‘dumped’ two days before Valentine’s Day. My heart broke, my happiness died, and my body became an alienated monster. I lost my appetite; my desire to be around people vanished; and, the world around me appeared bleak and dull. Getting out of bed was hard, but looking at my reflection in the mirror was even harder. Who was this woman that defined herself by her past love? This woman, who assimilated herself to someone else’s values and beliefs, then adopted them contrary to her own past philosophies. Who was this woman that now stood alone, exposed, empty and weak?

Like some, I allowed this unhealthy relationship define my identity. I endured emotional pain because I desired a destiny that was not mine to begin with. I destroyed my dreams to be a part of his. And just like that it was over. I was heartbroken. I didn’t think I could go on living, but I did, slowly. Day by day my brokenness began to heal. My own form of metamorphosing took place: I shed my weak and naïve skin, and grew into a confident and determined woman. I came to the realization that man does not define woman, but rather women and men are symbiotic in that they complement one another. This understanding led me to realize that love relationships continually encourage and motivate one another to be their best and truest self.

If you have recently gone through a breakup and are finding it hard to see the daylight, here are five not so easy steps that helped heal my broken heart and placed me on my own journey towards self-love:

  1. Cry: Cry until you feel like you cannot cry anymore, and then cry again.
  2. Live like a hermit (but not for too long): Binge-watch your favourite sitcoms, watch those cheesy RomCom movies (step one is allowed to creep in here), wear comfy clothes, and forget about the number of days that have lapsed since you last washed your hair.
  3. Call your girlfriends: These gals are your lifeline, your support, and they are on your side. (“He’s a d-bag, we hate him!”)
  4. Dance: Get glammed up, go out and dance the night away with your girlfriends, and only your girlfriends. You own the dance floor so boogie it up!
  5. Make a list of goals: Think of this as a reawakening – a new year of ‘you’ so set some goals and write down your dreams. It’s time to conquer them!

Keep in mind that these five steps helped me and that they may not fully heal your broken heart, but time slowly will.

Lots of love goes out to E&N who helped me through this breakup nightmare. You girls are my rock!

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